Ever since my mother’s tragedy I have had a love/hate relationship with Music. I have struggled with wanting to write. When she became ill and then passed away, I lost that drive, that desire. I wanted to give it back. I didn’t want my gift. I am still fighting inside myself: “I want it yet I don’t.” Because it is damaged. Music has always been an outlet for my feelings, but something happened, something damaged that relationship. Music is such a part of me, but it has hurt my heart and soul to create ever since this loss. So I became afriad to even put my feelings anywhere, because my only real outlet became a negative experience. I lost my trust in the one thing that has kept me alive. I realize that I have been afraid of the hurting itself, because it was just that damaging. This is what i have been struggling with since her death, fighting to gain back that want, that desire. This battle has also kept me from functioning properly at all, because I understand and interpret everything in my life, through music. This is the brokeness. Now, I want what I feel to come out in my music again. It is time to face the fear.