Love/Hate relationship

Ever since my mother’s tragedy I have had a love/hate relationship with Music. I have struggled with wanting to write. When she became ill and then passed away, I lost that drive, that desire. I wanted to give it back. I didn’t want my gift. I am still fighting inside myself: “I want it yet I don’t.” Because it is damaged. Music has always been an outlet for my feelings, but something happened, something damaged that relationship. Music is such a part of me, but it has hurt my heart and soul to create ever since this loss. So I became afriad to even put my feelings anywhere, because my only real outlet became a negative experience. I lost my trust in the one thing that has kept me alive. I realize that I have been afraid of the hurting itself, because it was just that damaging. This is what i have been struggling with since her death, fighting to gain back that want, that desire. This battle has also kept me from functioning properly at all, because I understand and interpret everything in my life, through music. This is the brokeness. Now, I want what I feel to come out in my music again. It is time to face the fear.

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3 thoughts on “Love/Hate relationship

  1. You were given this talent (gift) by both your parents, Amy always said you had more raw talent than both Dave or her. She was always so proud of you with your musical ability, you should embrace that talent and run with it. She wrote ” never stop the music “.

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